Who's at fault in the global economic death spiral? Opinion and commentary by special guest blogger President Barack Hussein Obama.

This is an actual transcript of BHO's answer to the following two-part question asked by a member of the European press (apparently the prompter was off): did the U.S. and Britain cause the present economic crisis, and does the answer to that question inform our choices as to what should be done to fix it?

"I, I, would say that, er ... [pause] ... if you look at ... [pause] ... the, the sources of this crisis ... [pause] ... the United States certainly has some accounting to do with respect to . . . [pause] ... a regulatory system that was inadequate to the massive changes that have taken place in the global financial system ... [clintonian pause with closed eyes]... I think what is also true is that ... [pause] ... here in Great Britain ... [pause] ... here in continental Europe ... [pause] ... around the world. We were seeing the same mismatch between the regulatory regimes that were in place and er ... [pause] ... the highly integrated, er, global capital markets that have emerged ... [pause]. So at this point, I'm less interested in ... [pause] ... identifying blame than fixing the problem. I think we've taken some very aggressive steps in the United States to do so, not just responding to the immediate crisis, ensuring banks are adequately capitalised, er, dealing with the enormous, er ... [pause] ... drop-off in demand and contraction that has taken place. More importantly, for the long term, making sure that we've got a set of, er, er, regulations that are up to the task, er, and that includes, er, a number that will be discussed at this summit. I think there's a lot of convergence between all the parties involved about the need, for example, to focus not on the legal form that a particular financial product takes or the institution it emerges from, but rather what's the risk involved, what's the function of this product and how do we regulate that adequately, much more effective coordination, er, between countries so we can, er, anticipate the risks that are involved there. Dealing with the, er, problem of derivatives markets, making sure we have set up systems, er, that can reduce some of the risks there. So, I actually think ... [pause] ... there's enormous consensus that has emerged in terms of what we need to do now and, er ... [pause] ... I'm a great believer in looking forwards than looking backwards."

10 minutes for a single paragraph answer. Ladies and gentleman, the world's smartest man and its the greatest orator.

I was going to let the President speak for himself, but maybe I'm not being fair. Let's do a transcript without the elipses and pauses.

"I would say that if you look at the sources of this crisis the United States certainly has some accounting to do with respect to a regulatory system that was inadequate to the massive changes that have taken place in the global financial system. I think what is also true is that here in Great Britain, here in continental Europe, [and] around the world, we were seeing the same mismatch between the regulatory regimes that were in place and the highly integrated, global capital markets that have emerged. So at this point, I'm less interested in identifying blame than fixing the problem. I think we've taken some very aggressive steps in the United States to do so, not just responding to the immediate crisis, ensuring banks are adequately capitalised, dealing with the enormous, drop-off in demand and contraction that has taken place. More importantly, for the long term, making sure that we've got a set of regulations that are up to the task, and that includes a number that will be discussed at this summit. I think there's a lot of convergence between all the parties involved about the need, for example, to focus not on the legal form that a particular financial product takes or the institution it emerges from, but rather what's the risk involved, what's the function of this product and how do we regulate that adequately, much more effective coordination, between countries so we can, anticipate the risks that are involved there. Dealing with the, problem of derivatives markets, making sure we have set up systems, that can reduce some of the risks there. So, I actually think there's enormous consensus that has emerged in terms of what we need to do now, and I'm a great believer in looking forwards than looking backwards."

That's better, but still pretty opaque. Let's break it down:

"I would say that if you look at the sources of this crisis the United States certainly has some accounting to do with respect to a regulatory system that was inadequate to the massive changes that have taken place in the global financial system. I think what is also true is that here in Great Britain, here in continental Europe, [and] around the world, we were seeing the same mismatch between the regulatory regimes that were in place and the highly integrated, global capital markets that have emerged."

Say what? Simply that government oversight of financial systems has been an abysmal failure in the United States and elsewhere. So far so good, and I agree with him entirely. Next:

"So at this point, I'm less interested in identifying blame than fixing the problem. I think we've taken some very aggressive steps in the United States to do so, not just responding to the immediate crisis, ensuring banks are adequately capitalised, dealing with the enormous, drop-off in demand and contraction that has taken place. More importantly, for the long term, making sure that we've got a set of regulations that are up to the task, and that includes a number that will be discussed at this summit."

I'll translate. "My government will instead exercise plenary control over the mechanisms that they failed so thoroughly to manage by mere oversight." That's certainly accurate, too. Although I'm not sure why he believes complete control will be easier than mere oversight.

Let's continue:

"I think there's a lot of convergence between all the parties involved about the need, for example, to focus not on the legal form that a particular financial product takes or the institution it emerges from, but rather what's the risk involved, what's the function of this product and how do we regulate that adequately, much more effective coordination, between countries so we can, anticipate the risks that are involved there. Dealing with the, problem of derivatives markets, making sure we have set up systems, that can reduce some of the risks there."

This part's easy. "I don't understand what the hell it is we're taking control of, I'm more a 'big picture' kind of guy." Again, I agree (I can even empathise a bit). His lack of familiarity with--or perhaps his refusal to explicate--the policies he would implement has never mattered, whether as a candidate or as a president. His policies are to be implemented by sheer force of oratorical style and racial novelty, so all that really matters is that he say pretty words well. He'll let his minions implement the policies he either doesn't understand or else dares not explain. Off-prompter, however, it's clear that he can only fail his end of that bargain. (Though, after eight years of Bush the Younger, I was impressed that he spit out the word 'derivatives' on his first try.)

The President of the United States of America gives us a big finish:

"So, I actually think there's enormous consensus that has emerged in terms of what we need to do now, and I'm a great believer in looking forwards than looking backwards."

Another easy translation: "So as long as a majority here and back home likes me, my actual policies are irrelevant to this discussion. It doesn't matter what I do, only that I do it. And don't go pressing me for details, just watch what happens."

Thank you, Mr. President. You're actually not as dumb as you sound.